How do i know when it's time?
Disclaimer: this article contains general information and does not constitute a VCPR (Veterinarian/Client/Patient Relationship).
Choosing when to say goodbye is one of the hardest parts of pet ownership, and can be a very challenging and personal decision. After many years of partnership it can be unbearable to think about life without a beloved pet, and the responsibility for making the decision of "when" can weigh heavily on caregivers.
Dr. Kyra often tells clients there is no right or wrong time to say goodbye, but recommends making the decision based on overall quality of life (QOL) factors.
Quality of life (QOL) evaluation
A pet may still wag their tail, purr, eat a favorite treat, or brighten when they hear a familiar voice. Those moments matter. However they can also exist alongside pain, fear, nausea, confusion, and/or exhaustion.
The question is rarely, “Is my pet still happy at all?” A more helpful question is, “Are the good moments still frequent, comfortable, and meaningful, or are they being outweighed by distress?”
Sometimes it can be difficult to objectively measure these things, and tracking tools can be helpful to monitor trends. They can also be compared amongst different family members in situations where multiple caregivers are involved in decision-making.
In addition to consulting friends and family familiar with your pet, Dr. Kyra recommends the following resources:
Simple calendar method - "good" vs "bad" days
Mark good days with one color and bad days with another. A “bad day” may include pain, refusal to eat, repeated accidents, hiding, distress, breathing trouble, or inability to rest. When bad days begin to outnumber good ones, it may be time for a serious evaluation.
The HHHHHMM Method
Scoring system originally developed for veterinary hospice (pawspice). Has owners score 1-10 in each of the following areas: Hurt, Hunger, Hydration, Hygiene, Happiness, Mobility, More Good Days Than Bad.
Interactive Quality of Life Online Assessments
Such as this one created by CodaPet
Page 2 of this scale contains questions to consider outside of the pet's QOL, as the family/caregiver concerns are also an important part of the decision.
The emotional weight is real
Many pet owners feel guilt surrounding euthanasia. These are very normal feelings and only exist because of our deep love for our pets. It can be challenging to balance not wanting a beloved pet to suffer with not wanting to say goodbye too soon or without exhausting all treatment options.
It may help to reframe the decision around protection. If a disease cannot be cured and suffering cannot be controlled, euthanasia can be a final act of care or a final gift. It can prevent a crisis ending filled with fear, pain, or emergency decisions. Dr. Kyra has guided hundreds of families through these crises in the emergency room, and strongly believes the euthanasia process is easier on everyone involved when it can be planned and in a relaxed setting.
Some families find comfort in the phrase: better a day early than an hour late
Grief deserves care after the goodbye
Making peace with your decision is the first step in grieving your pet. Many find comfort in knowing their pet is no longer suffering, but the grief is still intense and disruptive.
Losing a beloved pet can often feel even more painful than a family member, and daily routines without them can feel unbearable at first. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and no "acceptable" timeline. Grief will come in waves but eventually become easier with time.
Some find the following resources helpful:
Pet loss hotlines
There are several pet loss hotlines created for exactly this purpose. Dr. Kyra can provide you with recommendations if desired.
Counseling
A licensed therapist can help if grief feels overwhelming
Memorial rituals
A paw print, framed photo, planted tree, memory box, candle, letter, or donation to a rescue can give love somewhere to go.
Reading books and journaling
Reading about pet loss or writing memories can help make sense of the bond and the goodbye.
Children may process the loss in short bursts. Use clear language such as “died” rather than “went to sleep,” which can cause confusion. Let them ask questions, draw pictures, or create a small memorial.
Other pets may also grieve or react to changed routines. They may search, cling, lose their appetite, and/or act unsettled. Keep routines steady, offer comfort, and contact your veterinarian if you have concerns about their behavior or appetite.
What If I'm still not sure, or just want more support?
Dr. Kyra offers quality-of-life assessment appointments if you are still on the fence or need a veterinarian's opinion. These consults typically last approximately 45 min and can include review of your pet's medical records, QOL scales and family journals, etc. These consults can be in-person with a hands-on physical exam or virtually depending on desires/location/telehealth laws.
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